Day #648: An Ode to Diazepam

Today, a poem in honour of one of my many Marvellous Medicines: Diazepam, otherwise known as Valium (or Simon’s chill pills).

I dedicate this silly verse to my wonderful friend Darren, who is running the Brighton marathon on Sunday to raise money for the MND Association.

He’s so close to his target. Please spare a couple of quid if you can:

https://www.justgiving.com/page/darren-burr-1717769043678?utm_medium=FR&utm_source=CL

Just to be clear: unlike me, Darren is not a Diazepam junkie. Though this marathon may tip him over the edge.

An Ode to Diazepam

by Simon (only 7mg today)

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In a blue cardboard case,

Behind a thin metal door,

Sits a good friend of mine.

Great bloke. Top drawer.

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A wee white cylinder

of peace and tranquili-ta

It’ll screw up your rhyming

But soon you won’t give-a-fuh…

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Deep meditation

with one medication.

A cheat-code for years

of Zen dedication.

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It soothes out the twitching

and banishes spasms

(just for a while, into temporary chasms)

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If this pill were a horse…

What a beast!

What a stallion!

The trusty old steed of sleepy Sir Valium

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But wait. Do not take it!

You MUST heed my warning.

Your doctor will point out the excessive yawning…

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…the addiction, the dizziness, erectile disfunction.

Increasing the dosing.

Increasing compunction.

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Long term effects?

You WILL not be pleased.

But hang on… ‘long term?’

I’m Motor Neurone Diseased!

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So yay, pop another

With my weak wasted hands.

Damn it, can’t do it,

No strength for such plans.

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So if everything’s f**ked

And you’re s**t outta luck,

Take one of these

‘stead of hitting that truck.

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‘Cause you’ll not meet a friend-zo

quite like a good Benzo.

10 milligrams

and we’re on planet Zenzo.

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But please read the label,

every word – take it slow.

If it says something useful,

let me know down below.

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